i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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