The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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