man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
