im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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