This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The air taste purple.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize