Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
