I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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