She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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