Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
