You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
