just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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