i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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