My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
