pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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