go do what you do best...puke behind churches
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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