you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
