Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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