dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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