I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
