why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
