PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
