I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
