is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
