She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
