would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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