Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
