Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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