You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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