you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
