Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
