if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
