They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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