hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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