im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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