new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
