Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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