I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
