someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.