he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
