That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my liver is dry heaving
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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