I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
