Need sex. Gaining weight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
