So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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