I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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