had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
NoShamevember. You game?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
