it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
