Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
