this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
