now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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