I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
