dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
