shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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