my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
