I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
