I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
