Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
4 words: hood of his car
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
