ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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