I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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