I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
