So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
