i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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