honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my shit smells like andre
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
