i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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