I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
