If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
